I never Done Good Thing's (Loki fanfiction)
by LaurHiddleston
Summary: Loki Odinson reflects on his life after his "Death" Based on the song Ashes to Ashes by David Bowie. I don't own any characters or song lyrics I just Love Loki and Tom Hiddleston.


_**I never done Good Thing's**_

 _ **I never done bad thing's**_

 _ **I never did anything Out of the blue**_

I could lie to myself over and over again and say I never done bad things, but it didn't make it true did it? Why not lie to myself when my whole life has been nothing but a lie?

Saving Asgard was a good thing right? I could've let Thor suffer on his own because technically Hela wasn't my problem. So that count's as something good right?

Trying to justify my way into Valhalla was pointless. I didn't belong there with my mother. There it was the again, the bad things. Her death was my fault, I practically led the monster to her.

"I can't do anything right?" I yelled.

This point I doubt anyone could hear me. I wondered how long I would last before I made it Hell to be stuck with Hela who was going to make my life Hell literally..

I could blame the whole taking over Midgard bit on Thanos and say the mind stone made me do everything. However I wasn't a weak mortal, I was a God and I had some control, and I knew what I did was wrong. No, I don't deserve the hero's heaven at all.

Then there was the whole throwing Odin in the nursing home bit. To be fair I thought he could use a vacation, how would I know he decided to go off and die while on said vacation?

I opened my eyes and everything was black. So this was it wasn't it? The life of a villain coming to an end. I didn't feel like mentally preparing anything to say to Hela, because honestly what was there to say? She hated Odin, I hated Odin. Maybe we could come to a mutual understanding, that she could leave me the hell alone? Get it?

I heard footsteps approaching behind me. My eyes locked onto the darkness not even bothering to turn around.

"What are you doing, Loki?" A voice said.

What cruel trick was she playing? The voice of my mother struck my ears. I couldn't face her. I couldn't face her pretending to be my mother. I just wasn't that strong.

"Go away Hela." I muttered bitterly.

I wouldn't let her get to me. I mean I'm stuck here forever now right? I had to get used to this.

"You think so little of yourself that I couldn't truly be here with you." She said softly.

She was doing a fantastic job at Frigga's dialogue I'll give her that.

"I don't deserve her to be here. I'm the reason she's dead." I admitted out loud for the first time.

Hearing me admitted it out loud brought tears into my emerald eyes. I would never truly forgive myself for that.

"You begged us for a younger sibling for years, because it wasn't fair that Thor got to boss you around and you didn't get to boss anyone around."

That was true, but anyone could've made that up. Hela probably figured that out herself. She saw how Thor was, how he is…

"That doesn't prove anything. Just leave me." I sighed.

"You wanted a sister you wanted us to name her Thea. So you'd have the only L name. I forced you to learn healing magic because how many times you stabbed Thor. Do you need me to keep going or you satisfied?"

I couldn't move, I couldn't breathe. I don't even know if I was alive to breath. Hela couldn't have known that. I never told anyone about wanting a sister. Besides Hela was the last person I wanted as a sister if we're being honest here.

"What did I gift you for your last mother's day?" I asked softly.

"You gave some flowers from Midgard. Daisy's I believe? You promised not to fight with your brother like you do every mother's day."

She didn't even get to finish her sentence before I throw my arms around her neck. I knew this wasn't Valhalla I wasn't ignorant, however she was here. Maybe she was magic, or maybe I was going mad, but she was my mother.

"I'm sorry. Mother I'm sorry. For Midgard, for Odin, for your death." I mumbled.

Even though Odin wasn't my fault, I would take credit for his death as well…

"Loki, I'm not upset with you. You gave up your will to live? Why?" She asked softly.

I searched up into her sapphire eyes. Did she honestly have to ask me that question? After everything I've done and all the pain I caused her, here we were.

"I've done too much damage." I muttered.

It was a terrible excuse, I knew it was. I didn't want to see Thanos kill Thor. I didn't want to see more people died because of me? That wasn't selfish right? That was me doing a good thing.

"Your brother needs you, Loki." She encouraged.

Why did he need me? How many stupid hero friends did he have? He's fine, well maybe not fine..

"I caused this mess he's in. I highly doubt he needs me."

She paused for a moment for a while I thought I imagined her up for comfort. Like I said she wouldn't be here, she deserved so much more than this darkness.

"You're all he has left Loki. Surely you know that."

Her words stung, not only because I thought she was gone, but because it was right. He did have his super hero friend's and I could keep ling to myself and saying he was going to be fine. That was a lie. Everything around my "death" was a lie. Then again so was my life so why should my death be any different.

"Mother, can't I just die in peace without a lecture?" I sighed dramatically.

She slowly let go of me as to step back to try and read my emotions, then again she knew me better than I knew myself she didn't have to read them.

"No, you're going back to Midgard to help your brother fight the mess you caused."

I looked up at her longingly and she was right. Gods she was always right. Before I could tell her such she was gone. Gone as quickly as she came.

 _ **My mother said**_  
 _ **To get things done**_  
 _ **You'd better not mess**_  
 _ **With Major Tom**_

The next thing I knew screams were filling my ears. I could fill someone holding onto me and shouting my name over and over again. I knew she wasn't letting me die that easy.

"Thor, get off me I can't breathe." I muttered.

I slowly opened my eyes to see him looking down at me in pure and utter shock.


End file.
